ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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