after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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