Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
