Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
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