Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
