Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
