My underwear smells like fireworks.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
my poor anus
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
