she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
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