ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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