You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
