I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Randomize
