Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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