I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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