well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize