..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
