puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize