omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
