This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
Holy sore nipples Batman
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Randomize
