also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
