Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
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