Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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