Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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