return my video game
my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
