this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
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