Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
