he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
