Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Shitshow foam night was such a success
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
