he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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