i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
