Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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