Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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