I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
as a side note pls kill me
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