I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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