the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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