yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
It was beautiful and filled the audience with hope for the future. :3 I wish I could speak more but sleep werk nighty
I asked how you were doing?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
