why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
Randomize
