Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
well you can't waste a boner
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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