Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
Randomize