I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
