I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Alive.
So much puke
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
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