My friends, they love my intelligence
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize