sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
i am craving dick and cupcakes
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
