At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
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