good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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