At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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