So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
