Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
