it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
