So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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