My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Randomize
