What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
