Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
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