i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
