You're so nebulous sometimes
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
