peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
