I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
Randomize
