I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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