well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
you had me at cake vodka
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
Randomize
