So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
