3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
FUCK WHALES
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