you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Randomize
