When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
