Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Randomize