Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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