K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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