Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
tell me about the eggs
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
Randomize