he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
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