We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
Randomize
