I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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