I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
