I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
