My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
Randomize
