I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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