If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Princesses don't give blow jobs
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Randomize
