He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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