Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize