just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
