I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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