note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
