I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Randomize
