Who wears a wallet chain?!
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Randomize
