i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Randomize
