I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
