so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize