it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
