woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
the only muscles i have these days is kegels
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
