I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
I feel like abortions should bother me more
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
my being single is dangerous.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
