My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
