I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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