I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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