I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
