Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I forgot I did whipits. Probably because my brain cells were killed from the whipits
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
