I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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