the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
