38 yer olds are good kisserssss
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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