Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Randomize
