i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize