Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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