just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
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