Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
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