You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Randomize
