dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize