there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
