I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
